From clicking to cracking
When I downloaded the training programme from the Ironman website
it was a very clear document. 26 weeks, each day of each week run 1 hour, cycle
two hours, swim 4k etc. I have been following it pretty well.
But it is a physical training programme, legs, arms and
core. Building muscle and endurance. But nowhere is there any thing about the
mental exhaustion that such an endeavour imparts on you.
And I admit that this week it has been tough. Really tough.
There have been moments during the last months where I have questioned whether
I would be physically able to complete this - a bad training run, another long
ride that destroyed me, and then you realise you have to double it, and add a
swim and a run. But this week has just sapped all motivation and desire.
Monday I got caught out in the sun so when I was supposed to
do a two hour ride and hour run on Tuesday I had nothing (the wife thinks I got
sun stroke). Trying to be sensible I had a bath with some Epsom salts and thought
lets just recharge. Wednesday’s swim was fine, a tough session but came through
it. Thursday was supposed to be a two hour cycle and an hour run, but work
commitments and time meant it was just an hour run.
Not a great week before the weekend arrived and then it started
to go really wrong. We were in London Friday night so I did a 11 mile along the
Thames, taking in the sights. But Saturdays are supposed to be swim,cycle and run.
Then the epic fail of the long Sunday ride – leave the house
at 6.30am just as the heavens opened. Thunder, lightning, rain drops the size of
apples – the works. I couldn’t see at all, rivers were running everywhere so I
thought ‘sod this, I have another day tomorrow’ and turned for home.
They say great sportsmen and women have the ability to put
things in the past. This is one of the many reasons (lack of talent being the
obvious) I will not be a great sportsman. I then wound myself up in knots for
the rest of the day especially when the sun came out, about whether I should have
kept going. So much so that I considered going back out.
And that brings me back to my original point, the mental
strain and stress, and I don’t say it lightly, is really getting to me. This
has consumed my life to the point that it is not enjoyable. I am chasing distances
and times rather than enjoying the exercise.
Trying to get up today to go for my bike ride was a real
effort. I did it but I don’t feel better for it, it’s just another tick on my
programme.
Trying to put my finger on the cause of my anxiousness is
difficult as well. What is it that is worrying me? Not finishing? Letting people
down? I don’t think so, because I am in good shape. I think it is partly that I
don’t get a break. The constant, relentlessness of it all is getting to me. As
much as I get rest days, they are more recovery days so I can carry on again
tomorrow.
To be fair I am in the hardest part of my training for the
next two weeks then it tapers for five weeks, so the end is in sight. Right now
I would seriously consider doing the Ironman next week if it got it done and
dusted.
But it’s not.
Instead I am going to take inspiration from a poem my parents
gave to me on my 18th birthday. There is a line in it that is pretty
apt for both now and for when I am struggling round the course on the 15th
July.
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are
gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold
on!’
STATMAN
Cycle distance – 100 miles
Cycle time – 7hours 10 minutes
Elevation gain – 6,700ft (actually course is only 5,700!)
Percentage of money raised – 53% THANK YOU!
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